Controversy is my worst Subject (Next to spelling)

I admit it. Whole heartedly. I hate controversy. I hate arguments. Can't stand to be near one. My mind shuts down when I'm in the middle of one. I can't think properly. It's horrible.

That's why my blog will very unlikely touch on subjects that have a hint of controversy. The only exception is religion, which granted, the subject has started wars. But religion intrigues me. So I'll talk about it.

I consider this a problem. (It's sucks.) It's more that I fear controversy than actually hate it. Growing up I was frequently told that I didn't know what I was talking about and my opinions were wrong. So naturally, over time, I learned to shut up. Many, many years later, I become a reference librarian, so now I can find the information needed to back up my statement. Statements which are few and far between. I like to have all the facts. I mean ALL of them. But you know what, it would take absolutely forever for me to know ALL the facts.

I'll give you a recent example. I came across a blog which happened to touch on the Crusades (you probably know which blog I'm referring too), and I wanted to know the facts on the Crusades. So, I begin my research. Borrow a couple of books from the library - The Oxford Illustrated History of the Crusades, The Crusades: A History of Armed Pilgrimage and Holy War, and even the Koran. The Koran because my preliminary research mentioned Muslims and I naturally thought, "Well, I can see what the Koran has to say."

I'm browsing through the books and come to the realizations 1) I'm not going to remember half of this information, 2) I'll never get through all this, and 3) I'll have to do more research on what is presented in the books (timelines, biographies, etc.) This would just take forever. It could go on and on. I thought I would attempt a condensed version from research databases on the internet. Geez, I don't recognize half the names. There's more research there.

There are two things I took away from my reading, 1) Though cloaked in religion, the Crusades weren't entirely about religion. People who weren't fighting in the name of religion were still reaping some benefits, and vice versa 2) The term "Crusades" was not given until many, many years after the battles took place. Similar to that World War I wasn't given that name until World War II. World War I used to be called The Great War. (I'm sure I read that somewhere).

I'm very thankful my best friend understand my stance on controversial topics. We don't talk about politics. When we get into a deep discussion on something and she thinks she's correct, but I disagree, I will usually reply, "I need to do some research on that." And I usually do some research. But the topic doesn't usually come up again.

Often times I reach the point where people are going to believe what they want to believe. No amount of convincing or presentation of facts is going to change their opinion. So why bother sometimes. Often times I will state a fact, but I HATE that I can't remember the source of my fact. I want to back it up. So, sometimes I won't even present my knowlege on topics.

It really sucks.