Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Why Do People Believe in God?

What's the driving force? What's the emotion? What brings a person to believe in Jesus Christ? What's the evidence? Faith? Trust? A longing? Acceptance? I don't get it anymore. At one time, I thought I did. And this was for a long period of time.

I grew up going to a Christian Church. The denomination was Christian Church/Church of Christ. I remember having a very child-like faith all the way up to college. I was active in church youth group activities. I went to church camp every summer in high school. People at school knew I was a Christian. There were no problems with me living my faith. Pretty simple up to this point.
College came and things changed. Well, depression hit hard (I seem to have a history of this) and I was mad. I hated myself, but I was mad a God. Now I don't think He gave me depression, but I do think that He didn't help me through it. I was upset and tired with Him. Therefore, I suggested to him that we go our separate ways.
Let's fast forward a year or two. More like two. We reconcile our differences. I shouldn't have blamed God like I did. I started going to church again. Had a really good time, but there were lingering doubts. I was never going to have a child-like faith anymore. No matter which way you slice it.
I'm going to make a long stort short and fast forward to the present. I don't think I believe in God anymore. I've been trying to do some research on the history of the Bible and Christianity. Even some Evolution vs. Creationism. The more answers I find, the more questions I have. And sometimes I just want to ask God, "If you wanted us to believe you, why have you made it so hard for us to find answers what would direct us towards you?"
I'm tired of searching. Frustrated. I have half the answers. That's not to say that I believe the Bible is wrong and the Origin of Species is correct. If someone has the answers, let me know. And don't tell me to ask God for the answers, or to read the Case for Christ, the Case for Faith, or the Case for Creation. I've done that.