Saturday, December 31, 2005

Happy New Year!!

Until I have the chance to post something new....

Have a wonderful New Year everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, December 24, 2005

I don't understand her... and I shouldn't even care.

For the first time tonight, my disappointment and anger at my cousin erupted so to the point that I called her a "bitch." Not to her face ofcourse. It was said to my sister. "Stephanie is such a bitch." (Notice that it is in lower case letters. Not as strong if it was all caps. So there is still some love there.) I'm not going to spend my night trying to understand what my mom, dad, sister, and I did to make her dislike us. Well, I can understand why she doesn't like my sister. One comment made many many many moons ago about the abundance of make-up my cousin likes to cake on her face and my sister is marked for life. To this day, my sister will not retract the comment and my cousin's make-up is about the same.

I haven't seen my cousin in years. Earlier this week I came across a photograph taken 10 years ago with my Memaw, my aunt, my cousin, my mom, my sister and me. That was the last time all of us has been together. Not even when my Pepaw died were we together.

I don't even know where to begin when attempting to put into words the difference between my cousin and aunt, with my mom, sister and I. The two families are night and day. My mom and aunt are night and day. My sister and I were raised in a middle class family who lived within our financial means. We didn't spend extravagantly. We had what we needed and maybe a little more. We didn't have the name brand outfits or the latest styles in fashion or electronics. My aunt and cousin on the other hand were different. Flashy, perfect, and costly. That's the only way I can describe it. Money seems to be the goal in that family. Which I find it ironic (maybe that's not the word) that their money comes from the coal mining industry. A very hard working and demanding job in which my uncle is now paying the price for with his health. I will give them credit for investing their money wisely, but I sure didn't want to be at their house when all their stocks went down along with Silicon Valley. (The Dot.Com business.)

My cousin was married for the second time last evening. So technically, she's had two husbands in one year. She was first married in October 2004. Divorced him a couple months later. (I've been told that he was "hard" with her. Possible domesitic violence so I'm very happy she left that marriage). A couple months after the divorce, my aunt was very worried about my cousin. She said she would look at Stephanie and all she saw was death on her face. It seemed my cousin was depressed due to a lack of husband and a child. Not that I have any experience with marriage, but just because you are married and/or with a child, does not guarantee happiness.

I had no desire to go to the wedding. I did my best to evade the question from my Memaw as to why I didn't want to go. It wouldn't have been nice to say, "Why whould I?" My excuse was that I was staying home to look after my Memaw. She can't stay too long by herself any more, and since I'm home I thought I would stay. My parents went though, and my cousin ignored them. There were only 50 people at the wedding. You would have to make an effort to really ignore someone in a crowd of 50. Stephanie introduced her new husband to people not five steps away from my parents, and then proceeded to walk away. Mom and dad looked at each other and left.

I knew at a young age that my cousin didn't like me too much. I didn't enjoy her company too much either. So, I'm not going to mind if she ignores me. I do mind if she does something to my mom, dad and/or Memaw. My sister can take care of herself. I'm not worried about her, and I think she (my sister) could care less.

I wish I could give better detail of the family dynamics. Location of the families play a great deal too. I know that might sound strange. We are both Kentucky families, but one is more Eastern Kentucky than the other. One location is more isolated and distrusting of outside help than the other. No matter if the help comes from your family or not. If you know anything about the Appalachian culture, you know that many people living in that area stick together and rarely accept outside help. They fix their own problems. Though I grew up in the Appalachian area, it was mostly on the outskirts. My cousin grew up more in the culture. They aren't poor Appalachia, but they have the personality traits of area.

I have a problem with my cousin when she choses to ignore her aunt and uncle (my parents) for no good reason. I have a problem with her when she choses to not call or visit our Memaw who lived only 2 minutes away. She had the most pathetic excuse I had ever heard. This excuse came before she was ever married. Stephanie hated that Memaw always asked her if she had a boyfriend. That must have been a very sore spot for Stephanie if should couldn't talk with her Memaw just because of a question like that. (I admit, I became tired of that question too. So I turned it back on Memaw. I looked at her one day and said, "Memaw, if you want me to have a boyfriend, why don't you pray for one for me." So now each time she asks I look at her and ask in return, "Memaw, have you been praying?" She smiles and gives me a kiss. It's now become our own little running joke.) I have a problem with my cousin when she walks past my sister at college and acts as if she didn't exist.

The only thing that I can guess as to why she doesn't associate with us, in any form or fashion, is that she may be embarassed by us. I guess we don't live up to her standards. And you know what, I honestly don't care. She's not a standard I would want to live up to.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

My bad side is coming out.

(My bad side is going to come out in this blog - at least some of it.)

I went to the neighborhood grocery store to buy a couple of things for my mom. There was a sense of relief when I pay for the items and I'm safely back in my car. No one stopped me to talk with them. My quick turn around the grocery aisle stopped me from coming face to face with Bernice. Safely diverted from a possible lengthy conversation.

I'm in my car, turn on the ignition and I see what I knew was coming... a former classmate. Every time I come home I see someone from school. Always. I can't get away from it. I never want to stop and chat. I don't care how rude that sounds.

It was Erin S. this time. Her last name has changed, but she'll always be Erin S. to me. Her mother was once my Kindergarten teacher. How such a nice person could raise such a brat is beyond me. Technically I wasn't around her too much in high school, other than being active in three sports, I was pretty much a hermit. I played volleyball with this girl. She wasn't bad. It's only her personality that's bad.

She seemed to usually have a sour look on her face, and would pretty much ignore you if you weren't in her circle of friends. Actually, if you weren't up to her standards. Whatever her standards were. She talked with me basically because I was on the same volleyball team with her.

So, I saw her pass my car as I was turning on the ignition. She's walking briskly just like high school, with her 10 year old son trying to keep up with her. When I told my dad I saw Erin S. at the grocery store, he sounded all happy with a... "O really, How is she?" I replied with a resounding, "I don't know dad, I didn't talk to her."

For some reason, I do not like running into my former classmates. I can think of maybe one or two that I wouldn't mind seeing. Since graduating high school, going away to college and then moving to Ohio, I come back to hometown and see this town in a whole new light. Some people never left this area, which is perfectly fine if this is where they feel home. But don't look down on us who left and never returned (except to spend time with our families). That's the feeling I get from some of the people here. Then the "let's compare our lives" game comes into play. My graduating class didn't have a 10 year class reunion. I wouldn't have gone anyways.

Saturday, December 17, 2005

It's not safe anymore...

You'd think browsing through the Crochet Blog from Live Journal would be safe to do at work. But then something like this pops up on your screen...
I'm just speechless.

Saturday, December 03, 2005


Say Hello the Flying Spaghetti Monster Dildo Cozy. This interesting creating was inspired by the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, but I first found it on a Crocheting blog. Amusing to see pictures and comments about simple scarves, afghans, and sweaters, then to be surprised with a crochet dildo cozy.
Where was this months ago when I needed it? (For those avid readers, you know exactly what I'm talking about.)