Homesick

I'm feeling so homesick right now that the feeling seems to dwell in my bones.

There are errands I need to run before it's dark and I don't have the gumption to do them. I don't want to be on the streets of Ohio. It seems so unpleasant to me. The green grass up here doesn't compare to the beauty of Kentucky. There are no rock fences to admire. No rolling hills of green with scattered trees to sooth me. I don't have the chance to watch horses gallop across the land. No barns to come across. I hear sirens and car horns on these streets, where in Kentucky I would hear nature. There's nothing like driving down a country road with the windows open and sense nature traveling thru the car.

Once I was in a car riding along the Scenic Bypass in Central Kentucky with all the windows open. It was Fall. A stray leaf came in from the passenger side window, traveled across in front of the driver and out the driver's window. I'd like to think the leaf said, "hello."

I miss being around my family. I'm amazed at how much strength they provide me. Being up here, without them, I feel really weak. Not physically, but still weak.

I had the strong urge to talk with Memaw. It was the sewing that brought the urge. I feel close to Memaw when I begin to sew, and at the same time, sad. The quilts she gave me while growing up are my prized possessions. I'm learning to sew now that she's gone. While finishing up my first project, a lap quilt, I wanted to call her up and ask, "am I doing this correctly?" Her phone number is still in my cell phone. I don't have the heart to delete it. My mom gave me some of Memaw's leftover fabric she never used. I'll tell you, the colors are not the prettiest in the world, but I look at them and think, "I can't waste them. I can't make a mistake with them. They were Memaw's." I want to make several quilts from them, but I'm afraid of making too many errors with them that they end up as waste.

I unfolded one the pieces of fabric, held it up to my nose, took a deep breath and I was transported to Memaw's house. I saw her sitting in her favorite chair. I felt her giving me a hug. I felt her hug. I saw her smile. I heard her laugh. I heard her say, "you're going to move back down here and take care of me. Aren't you."

I wondered how long that scent would last. How much would remain once I washed it? It doesn't need to be washed. Does it?