I Guess I Am Pissed Off

I'm one of those people who doesn't become upset to often. My opinions and feelings have been repressed for a really long time. Often times I attempt to figure out just why that is. I've grown up around alot of, what I call bullies. Emotional and social bullies. Not physically, but they were just plan assholes. Granted I didn't know that at the time, it took me years to figure it out. Ten to fifteen years. Damn that's a long time.

The bullies kept me quiet. And they did it in a very subtle fashion. My fault really. I didn't want to say anything to make them mad or to think I was stupid. I should have just gone up to them and said, "fuck you." It's amazing what you don't think of to do when you are 10 years old. Then 15 years old. Then twenty. Twenty-five. Damn, can you say wuss?

Ok, so I grew up to treat everyone nicely. A minor mishap. It only lead to my feelings of needing to be quiet. I may hurt someone's feelings for heavens sake. You think I would have learned to say "fuck it" and go on. Nope, not this girl. I'm more likely to turn away from someone, and think, "what an idiot." See, I can't even say "fuck it" in my head.

Lately there hasn't been too many people around me that I've wanted to voice my opinion too. Most of the people are from high school, a couple of people I went to college with, and ex co-workers. Strangely enough, I still have dreams (nightmares really) about people at high school that I never had the chance to give a piece of my mind too. My ten year reunion is coming up. This could be my chance to do it, but why in the hell would I want to go to my ten year reunion?
My fear is that it will be high school all over again. And who wants that? Only those people who feel compelled to try to be cool again and compare themselves to everyone. At least that's how I envision my 10 year high school reunion. There's really only one person I want to see, and it's to see if he's as cute as he was when we graduated.