This and That...

Here are some thoughts going thru my head as well as some whatnots...

• I'm having one of those moments when I want to write, but don't know what to write.
• I can have several chapters rumbling in my head for a story but I freeze when I begin to actually write.
• It's the same thing that happens to me when I go to the grocery store (or any store for that matter) and I completely forget why I came to the store in the first place.
• Today it was the Barnes and Noble bookstore. I go to the store intent on looking for a CD by the Elders.
• I know what you're thinking, "Why are you going to Barnes and Noble to buy music?" Well, my favorite B&N in Kentucky has a section for music.
• I stepped one foot in the store and could not remember why I was there. So I decided to walk around the store until the reason came to me.
• Once it did, I looked around and damn it, wouldn't you know it, this B&N doesn't have a music section.
• I'm standing in the middle of B&N with a frustrated look on my face thinking, "Well, I could just go ahead and buy a book. No, don't do that. You have enough books."
• I leave the store, without a book and make my way to another city for Border's which hopefully has the CD.
• Arrive at store, and remember why I'm there. (I'm off to a good start.)
• Search for the music section.
• Found it.
• Alright, now I need the World Section in music. I see Country, Soundtracks, R&B, and etc.
• I was going to be pissed if I didn't find the World Section. Aha, finally, last row.
• Searching for Elders. Searching. Searching. Searching. No luck.
• I see a catalog to find items in the store. No Elders available. Well, shit.
• Now who else was I wanting. Ah yes, Gaelic Storm's new album - Bring Yer Wellies.
• Searching. Searching. I see most of their other albums, but no Bring Yer Wellies.
• Check catalog. Bring Yer Wellies is available to buy. Located in World Section under Celtic. "No it's not!!"
• I check all through the Celtic section. Damn it. What's a girl gotta do to buy the music she wants?
• Browse the store. Where am I not looking?
• I search all around the store (new big store) and finally under New Music, there it is. Sorry, there was no bright light, just an "On Sale" sign on the CD. Something at least for my troubles.

It's back

So what exactly pissed me off that I couldn't keep it written down in my blog. A library patron pissed me off. What royally ticked me off is that now I'm questioning and doubting my intelligence and knowledge every time I step up to the reference desk and work. I don't like having self-doubt. I've had enough of if during my 29 years here on earth and I'm doing my absolute best to not let it rule me. His comments just set me back many many steps. The idiot.

I will come out and admit I'm not the best speller, and I don't know every definition in the dictionary. But for crying out loud, that's why I love the dictionary (the slag dictionary in particular - it's an absolute hoot). If I don't know the spelling, nor the definition, I'll look it up.

Another thing, I stopped majoring in math a long time ago. I once wanted to be a math teacher, and an accountant long ago in college. That's in the past. Don't expect me to know all math. Even math you would assume is simple. My brain has what I refer to as "information overload." Too much crap to calculate certain equations.

And, I come from Eastern Kentucky, we sometimes have our own way of talking. Get over it. We knew "ain't" was a word long before Webster ever put it in the dictionary. You don't like our grammar, then talk to someone else.

As for history, it's only been the past couple years in which history has become interesting to me. I have much to catch up on. There are days which I don't remember what I did yesterday. Give me a damn break.

So this older gentleman comes to the desk to ask a question. I've helped him before, and he seems to like to seek help from me rather than the other librarians. Don't ask me why. Maybe I'm just nice. I'm assuming he's wanting the baseball schedule for his satellite radio. Nope. He's wanting conversions. Our conversation goes something like this...

Me: You're wanting conversions?

Him: Yes. Can you convert for me 88.1 kilos into pounds?

Me: (Damn it. Math. Conversions.) Okay. Google has a website that will work conversions for us.

Him: You mean you can't do conversions?

Me: You do not want me doing math for you.

Him: I thought librarians knew everything. You can't do conversions? Well I can do conversions.

Me: Well, if you know how to do conversions, why did you ask me? (I'm quite proud of myself for saying that to him. I wasn't in the mood to put up with him on that day.)

Him: Ahh. Now don't joke with me like that.

(We go to Google for conversions and type in the correction information. He's happy with the information except he's 10 pounds overweight and plans to loose it in one week. We work his height conversion and thankfully he's smart enough to know he can't change that.)

Now he wants to test his knowlege on conversions. He's wanting to convert Fahrenheit to Celsius.

Him: Now type in 100 degrees Fahrenheit to Celsius.

Me: (At this point I reach for the dictionary because I ALWAYS have a problem with spelling Fahrenheit. ALWAYS.)

Him: What? You mean you can't spell fahrenheit? You can't spell. You can't do math. You aren't good with Language Arts (the asshole had the decency to correct my grammar. I thought only my Aunt did that?). And you don't know history. Maybe I ought to get me another librarian.

Me: (With a sweep of my hand) Be my guest, there are plenty to choose from.

Him: No I think I'll keep you. (Damn it. For a second there I thought I'd gotten rid of him.)

For a couple days, I was proud that I talked back to him. I didn't let myself become shocked at what he said. Now, I'm just pissed.

It's gone

If you're looking for my July 12th, 2006 post, it's not there. I deleted it. If you are in desperate need of wanting to know what it was about... ask. I'll give a brief synopsis.

One Day

I've survived one day without a cigarette. Day two is almost over.

Kicking the Habit... Once again

I've mentioned a few times that I need to quit smoking. So, just to let everyone know that I'm not "all talk," I'm going to see what I can do about quiting... once again.

So that's why I made the trip to Wal-Mart to buy one of these...

I'm trying the patch. I've used it before, and thought "it couldn't hurt."

Before I started smoking again last year, I had quit for almost three years. I quit cold turkey. What helped was that I had my last cigarette the Friday before I turned in my letter of resignation at my social work job. I can't handle stress to well. I turned to smoking to handle my stress.

I picked up the habit last summer. I was stressed, bummed out, and frustrated at work and I allowed myself one cigarette per week. But then my aunt was murdered (I'm not going to sugar coat what happened, it was murder) and well that once a week turned in to at least one a night then some. Then my Memaw had her stroke in January so all ideas of quitting went out the window.

If I'm away from my apartment, say at my parent's, my sister's or on vacation, I can go a week without a cigarette. But as soon as I come back, it's what I want.

Notice the picture says Step 2. I'm not a heavy smoker. Step 2 is for people who smoke 10 cigarettes or less a day. It's on the weekends, when I have free time that I smoke the most. Working doesn't give me the chance to smoke.

I put first patch on last night before bed. I woke up with a headache (I went to be with a headache). I wonder if the nicotine in the patch added to the headache. The patch came off this morning and the headache as somewhat subsided.

One of the directions indicates... "if you have vivid dreams or other sleep disturbances, you may remove the patch at bedtime and apply a new one in the morning." That could explain why I didn't fall asleep until after 2:00 am. That could also explain why I vividly remember working at a doctor's reception desk with the assistant director of my library, and me marching up to a parent of three rambunctious kids, taking away their bottles of ketchup and mustard because she (the mother) would tell her children to stop squirting the red and yellow substances on the waiting room walls. It says "vivid" dreams. Not necessarily "strange" dreams.

Things I Enjoy....

(In no particular order)

• A book that you can't put down.
• Long drives through the country.
• Having the movie theater all to myself
• Tulips
• Time to write in my journal
• A comfortable silence with my family and friends
• Kindness
• My chili with cheese and Fritos
• Peaches
• Falling asleep curled up underneath my Memaw's quilt
• Finding unique surprises about my Memaw
• Seeing my cat when I come home from work
• Daydreaming
• Long naps
• Bookstores
• People watching
• Learning about people
• Listening about people's lives
• Hearing about new adventures
• Seeing the water meet the sky in the far off distance
• Sand beneath my toes
• A light cool breeze
• Barns
• Lighthouses
• History
• The pleasure of turning off the alarm clock
• Waking up to happy dreams
• A long soak in the bathtub
• Chocolate chip cookies
• Vacation with my family
• Inside jokes
• People understanding me
• Being a contradiction from time to time
• Sex on the Beach (drink)
• Woodchuck (drink)
• Having a cigarette on my balcony in the middle of the night when everyone is asleep
• Decorating the Christmas tree with Christmas music or a Christmas movie playing
• The guest bed at my sister's house
• Pizza with everything on it
• (possibly more in the future)

Library Career Confession

I became a librarian for the books. That's my confession. After everything I wrote in a previous post I thought it would be best to make my confession.

It all started with an employment ad for a local library. I was job searching after earning a Bachelor's degree in Family Studies. I saw an advertisement for a librarian and decided that's what I wanted to do. I didn't want a job working with families. Not particularly anyways.

To apply for the job I needed a Master's Degree in Library Science. "Okay, I'll get one of those." So while I was trying to get into the nearby Library Science program, I worked as a social worker. Two years of feeling depressed, cynical, sarcastic, looked down upon, and just miserable made me realize how much I wanted to be in a job where I was happy and enjoyed my time. I thinking was, if I'm going to work eight hours a day for most of my waking life, I better enjoy what I'm doing. I loved books, and I amazingly still liked people. What better place to be than at a library.

So, I'm finally in the Library Science program. I quit my full-time job to become a full-time graduate student and work part time at a library. One a my professors gave a snide remark in class about students entering the program just because they like to read. I gave him a mental eye roll and continued to listen to his very boring lecture. I didn't learn a damn thing from him. To this day one of my friends like to quote him and repeat some of his stories. She likes him, and I think he's a dork. He probably hasn't set a foot in a library in 20 years.

Anyways, I worked as a reference librarian. I never thought I would ever be a reference librarian. I mean, you have to be highly intelligent to be a reference librarian. Intelligence helps, but the key is to know where to find the answer. That I can to. Countless times, I have answered a reference question by saying, "I don't know, but I can find the answer for you." (And there are times in which Google is used.)

Even though the patrons will drive me nuts sometimes, and even though I feel occupational burnout riding my heels, I like the fact that I'm a librarian. I'm working at a place where there are answers to my questions. Occassionally I have the chance to educate individuals (that is if they are up to it.) If a book strikes my fancy, it's often in reach.

So for anyone who wants to be a librarian for the sake of books... go for it. Just know, there's always more to it.

Touchdown Jesus that looks like Butter

If you are ever driving on Interstate 75 in Lebenon, Ohio you will come across the strangest work of art...

This is what people around here refer to as the "Touchdown Jesus." Just yesterday someone said it was the Touchdown Jesus that looks like Butter. I can see how she thinks like that. Me, I've always called it "The Big Jesus."

What I find facinating is what's across the highway, off the same exit...

Yes ladies and gentlemen, a Hustler of Hollywood is just a hop, skip and a jump away.

Library Annoyances

I always give an inward smirk when people tell me they wanted to be a librarian. Many of those individuals are book lovers and they like the idea of being surrounded by books. A good reason. Nothing wrong with it, but they don't understand the reality that librarians are surrounded by annoying people. We librarian don't have the pleasure of reading all day while working at the library. It's actually frowned upon. Unless you are reading professional reading material. I find it lame that we can't take the time to read while working. There are plenty of people who come up to us and ask for a good book to read. Everyone is different, with different tastes, and it would help if I was given the time to read more to give our patrons ideas. But I'm just a reference librarian, low on the food chain. My voice isn't heard.

Here are some of the annoyances I experience while working at the library. They are in no particular order. Some days the smallest incident will bring me to a boiling point.

• Administrators who only look at the numbers.
• Administrators who think they know how to make the public happy when they haven't seen the people who visit the library.
• Parents who believe the library is a good place for their children to throw temper tantrums.
• Parents who let their children run through the library and think it's cute. It's fucking annoying.
• People who think Google gives them all the answers. Just the other day, I was answering questions via chat to a gentleman who asked how long does it take for the skin to replace itself. I was searching through reputable health databases and websites and not coming up with anything. All the sudden he gives me a message stating, "I found an answer that said 35 days." I asked him, where did you find the answer? I was curious. There's a possibilty that I could use his source in the future. His reply, "Google." What a fucking answer I thought. Google did not give him the answer, Google gave him many different websites with his chosen search strategy. And another thing, why is he asking me the question when he obviously found the answer. Asshole.
• Patrons who are impatient. In this day and age with microwave ovens, high-speed internet, fast food drive thrus, self checkouts at the grocery store, etc. people are expecting an answer this second. You take more than a minute and you're just fucking incompetent. I hate to hear, "that's okay, I'll look it up myself." Which usually turns into them getting on the internet, going to Google and finding the answer. It doesn't matter where the answer came from, or whether or not it's correct. It's an answer and they found it on Google.
• People who don't want to find the answer in a book. One of the administrators at the library, and the person who buys the library's reference books asked a question about former Vice President Al Gore. Now, she was at the reference desk, in front of a computer when asking the question. Now, my first thought is to grab the Who's Who of the America. It's a multi-volume book that will have the basics and a little bit more of many individuals in the United States. Since each page has several columns of small print written, it took me a couple of seconds to find his name. I find his name, bring the book to her, open it to the information on Al Gore, and she tells me, "don't worry I'll find it." And she heads straight to the computer. The fucking answer was right in front of her. She found the answer on the computer a couple minutes later, with the open book in front of her.
• People who think we will do everything for me. We do not write resumes. We do not type letters. We do not babysit. I just love it when people say, "Well, someone told me you will help me with this." Yes we will help. We will help you sign on to a computer. We will provide you all the information you need to write a resume, but we do not do the work for you.
• How about those people who come up to the desk and say, "I don't know how to work a computer. Will you do this for me?" Mostly it's find a book. All I have to do is type the name of the book, author, keywork, or subject and we can find it. What bother's me are those individuals who say, "I'm not going to learn how to use a computer. I don't see why I should." It's that answer than I want to say, "fucker." But I smile and go on. (Once someone asked me if I was always happy because I always had a smile on my face. The answer was a BIG no. I smile because I can't curse at people. At least not while I'm working. Who am I kidding, I hardly curse at anyone. I just can't seem to do it.)
• People who try butter me up before asking for a favor, "the library has always been great to me, you all are wonderful, could you do this for me?" What would I like to say, "listen lady, just ask your damn question. Don't butter us up. An while you're at it, learn how to use the damn copier. You've seen us use it for you plenty of times."
• Don't I seem like a cheerful Librarian.
• Don't get me wrong, I'm fairly kind and nice to everyone who comes up to the desk for help. I've formed friendships with some of the people. I like working with the public. (I'd be a hermit for sure if I didn't work a the library). There just happens to be certain moments when I have to take a deep mental breath and go one. Sometimes a mental middle finger does the trick too.