Weekend embarassing Moment

Now that I've gotten over the embarassment, I can talk about my most embarassing moment of the year.

I'll get right the point... I looked myself out on my second story balcony. Yep. Sure did.

It was 11:30 at night and I was just getting ready to go to bed. The doors were locked, the windows closed, and the lights were out. There were thoughts going through my head that I just couldn't get rid of and a cigarette on my balcony usually calms me down for a little bit. The air outside wasn't too bad, and I like the peacefullness of nighttime. So, I unlock my balcony door, open it, step outside, close the door and I hear the "click." It never "clicks" from the outside. It only "clicks" when I lock it from the inside.

I knew it as soon as I heard the "click." I just looked at it and thought, "That did not just happen?" I knew it had, but I had to check. Yep, sure enough, it was locked. And no matter how hard I tried, there was no way to open it. I tried to move it up, down, side to side. Nothing was going to work.

So I do inventory of my options. Basically, no options. The outside front door was locked with a dead bolt. My cell phone was inside. I couldn't climb down. The only other keys to my apartment were at least 2.5 hours away. The only thing that wasn't locked was my bedroom window and there was no way I could get to it. There's nothing in the outside storage closet that I could use to unlock the door. And to top it off, I had only one cigarette with me.

My only option was to hopefully get the attention of a car driving through the apartment complex. Or possibly a person walking. 11:30 on a Friday night, most people are out having fun. While I have the pleasure of being locked out on my balcony. If I couldn't get someone's attention, I would have to sleep outside on this balcony until the next day.

I felt so incredibly stupid. One big stupid mess. I keep my eyes open for any car that comes by. Problem is, no one thinks to look up on the balconies. And who could imagine someone would be stupid enough to lock themself. If they only knew me. A police car goes by. He doesn't see me. A couple of cars drive by and park too far away for me to yell for help. Finally, a man across the street walks to his apartment...

"Sir!" I yell, "up here." I'm waving my arms so he'll see me.

"Yeah, I see you."

(I have this nervous laugh that I break into on occassion)
He's going to think I'm completely stupid. "Could you call the police for me? I've locked myself out on my balcony."

He looks at me but doesn't hesitate to grab his cell phone and call the police dispatch.
"Hello dispatch, I've got a good one for you..."

Dispatch found it funny too.

Ten minutes later, two police cars pull up (I've been on the balcony for about an hour. The cigarette long gone.) One male, one female. I expect them to laugh. I've been around enough police officers to know they are going to go back to the station and tell their buddies about a lady who locked herself out on the balcony. They were actually nice. They had the decency to say, "We're trying not to laugh to hard down here." I tell them it's okay to laugh. In a situation like this I could either laugh or cry. I didn't really feel like crying. But I did call myself and idiot a time or two.

The police officers are not able to unlock the dead bolt lock on my front door. So, naturally, the fire department is called for the use of their ladder. The only option was my BEDROOM window, and a ladder was needed. As the fire department is on their way, my mind is racing as to what is left out in my bedroom for the fire department to see...

• Panties and bras are in the clothes basket. They won't see that.
• No embarassing books are out.
• Bed's not made, but who really cares.
• OH MY GOD! Not one, not two, but three of my vibrators on standing upright on my dresser. Just opposite my bedroom window.

Dread just floods through me. As if being locked out wasn't embarassing enough. The lights are out, maybe they won't notice. The fire department pulls up and I see two guys and one female. Maybe the female will climb the ladder and go through the window. The twenty-something attractive male is putting on his boots and specialty pants. Please no. Please no. Sure enough, he's grabbing the ladder and heading straight for the window.

I hear the female police officer yell up to me, "I hope you don't have any panties or personal items laying around."

"Oh, I do. I do." What else was I going to say?

The fireman opens the window and climbs into my bedroom. Remember there are no lights on in the apartment. All he has is his big flashlight. But he must scan the room for possible danger and to find where the door is. He's blind if he didn't see those vibrators on my dresser. He passed right by them when going out my bedroom door.

I look into the apartment and see him, with his flashlight, coming to unlock the door. In my mind I'm thinking, "if he happens to ask about them just say 'a single girl has got to get her smile somehow.'" I was not going to show embarassment. We walk back into my room (I'm following him) so he can show me the window screen he had to cut. While he's by the window, I've stationed myself directly in front of my vibrators doing my best to keep them out of his sight. I'm almost tempted to knock them off so they may possibly fly under my bed. But the way my luck is going, it will just draw attention and then he will really know.

Finally we walk out of the bedroom and out of my apartment. The lady police officer tells me the fire department will have to ask me some questions. Do they have to. Obviously, I've seen enough of the fireman. At least I don't want him looking at me. No, I don't want to see a smirk on his face showing that he saw something very private of mine.

Wouldn't you know it, the same fireman walks over to me to ask my name, phone nubmer, and address (for report purposes). Hell, I almost forgot my phone number. But the worst part was, I looked up at him and he had a smile on his face. Damn it. I told him "thank you", and he said, "See you around." That's a kind of response someone may give to anyone. Not really thinking what they are saying. I'm thinking, "O my God, I hope not."